Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Movie of the Week

Watch a streamed top movie tonight. Click The popcorn

Urgent Poll!!!

It is most important that you vote NOW!!!*

*This poll is just a test and by no way should be construed as being valid or important at all.


Now that Smokey Donkey doesn't smoke, what should he be renamed
Non Smokey Donkey
Ex-Smokey Donkey
Doesn't matter he'll start again soon, if not already
Who cares?
Free polls from

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Accommodation in Budapest

Several Budapest Hashers have vacation apartments to rent. Please feel free to contact them if you are coming for a stay and would like to rent.

Liam's Apartment rental
Martin's Apartment rental

Thursday, February 2, 2006

Join us if...'re an experienced expatriate (or used to wasting time far from home) and are already familiar with HASHING. Like a bad rash, you keep coming back.

... you're just another dumb foreigner (or a naïve native) staying in Budapest and you have absolutely no clue what the hell HASHING is? stumbled across this site by accident and but are still somewhat intrigued or titillated.

…you enjoy getting out into nature one day a week so you can feel like you are really not just a slug

…like running…like drinking

Well, then you’ve got at least one good reason to come and experience the benefits of hashing. Bring along some cash, your favorite beer-mug (if any), and sneakers, to join us for the next weekly fun-run (or fun-walk, if you prefer walky-talking to running) of the Budapest Hash House Harriers, “the local drinking club with a running problem”.

Bring along family, friends and/or foes as well. There is no age limit either so don’t feel the need to leave the “Horrors” home alone. The more the merrier we are! (Please note that there is fair amount of banter, chicanery, and good natured ribbing involved in hashing, so make sure you bring a sense of humor; though some get along fine without)

We meet every Sunday along the upper river wall at Batthyany Ter, which is directly across the Duna from the Parliament at 11:30

Receding Hareline

Hash # Date Hares Location Scribe Comments
837 Feb.25th Rabies & Bursting Bladder Castle Baldrick

Wednesday, February 1, 2006

Find a Hash: Local and Global

If your not looking to travel far...


For all Europe

If you would like to submit a link BPH3

Or other parts of the world...

We support the World HHH Database Project which
provides this free
Global Trash Hash Roster
World Hash House Harriers
Directory Database Search Tool
clickable world map
Search by: Order by:
Enter search text:
World HHH Home Page
Hash Statistics
North America Europe Caribbean South America Africa Asia Down Under Oceania

Hash Glossary

  • Are you? A query yelled out by hounds to other members of the pack to ask "Are you on trail?"
  • Beer - Yes, please!
  • Beer Stop - A point in the trail where the pack stops to rest & regroup while consuming beverages organised by the gracious hares.
  • Bull Sheet - BPH3 Hash Trash. Write up on the run produced by scribe for the week.
  • Check - A big "X" or circle marked on the trail which indicates that the trail (may) now veer off in a new direction. The pack then must search around and find where the trail starts up again--usually within 100 yards or so.
  • Check Back - Act of backtracking to locate trail.
  • Checking! - Utterance during the act of looking for flour.
  • Circle - Convivial post-run piss-take session at which down-downs are usually presented to hares, visitors, returners, sinners and leavers.
  • Co-hare - Hare's accomplice.
  • Down-down - What you do with beer, to chug down beer while being serenaded with rude, lewd songs by off-key hashers. Any beer (or soda for non-drinkers) that cannot be consumed must be dumped over ones head. Down-downs are administered/awarded/assigned for any one of numerous hash crimes.
  • Drunk - A state of mind that can occur with frequent hashing.
  • Elections - Usually rigged
  • False trail - Designed to turn pack around, falsie.
  • Flour - Used by the Hares to mark the trail. Self raising helps when it rains.
  • FRB - Front-running bastard
  • Grand Master - Supreme leader of a Hash chapter. Also known as GM or GMH.
  • Grand Mattress - Female version of above
  • Grand Mistress - Alternative for above
  • Hare - The person who determines the trail to be run and then sets the marks to lead the pack to the On-In. Trickery and deception are often employed to foil the pack in its quest for beer. Accepts all blame for cock-ups.
  • Harrier - Male hasher, hashman.
  • Harriet - Female Hasher
  • Harriette - French Harriet
  • Hash - Refers to the run, the group of people who run or the act of running and drinking. Has nothing to do with the drug term: Hashish
  • Hash Cash - Club treasurer
  • Hash Crimes - Wearing new shoes, being a new hasher, being the hare, having a birthday, treating the hash like a race, wearing a race shirt, saying the word race, getting married, getting laid, getting lost, getting found, auto-hashing, being named, being renamed, visiting a hash, leaving a hash, returning to a hash, etc etc etc. Note that anyone can nominate anyone else for a hash crime and said nominee can be awarded a down-down regardless of the veracity of said nomination.
  • Hash Flash - Photographer on the run
  • Hash Haberdasher - Vendor of Hash apparel, insignia and ensemble
  • Hash Hole - Warning to following hashers of potential hazardous subsidence on trail, foxhole, warren etc.
  • Hash Horn - Rallies the pack. Remember, short toots for `checking'; a long blast signals On-On! The hasher who carries it.
  • Hash Hymnal - Song "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot"
  • Hashoholic - If discovered, administer beer immediately
  • Hashoholism - Highly infectious condition first reported in South East Asia in the late 1930s.
  • Hash Nurse - Assists bleeding Hashers!
  • Hash Sniff - Responsible for finding the start of the trail.
  • HHH - Hash House Harriers, H3
  • Hound - See "Pack"
  • Mark - Either a chalk arrow, blob of flour, surveyors tape or toilet paper used to indicate the direction of the trail
  • Mismanagement - club committee
  • NFG - New Fucking Guy/gal; any unnamed hasher
  • On - A state of being. That is, being "on" trail means you have seen hash marks that were made by the hares. Nothing to do with PMT
  • On-After - Refers to the place the hash goes to after the run to eat, drink beer, sing, drink beer, and drink beer. Usually to a local bar, but occasionally, one of the hashers will be foolish enough to invite everyone over to tear up their home
  • On-In - The arrival at the end of the trail; the location of the food and beer. Also, a futile goal of many male hashers
  • On-On - Yelled out by members of the hash to indicate to the rest of the pack they are on the right trail. Also used as a hash salutation (esp. in electronic mail messages)
  • On-Out - Hash salutation used by hashers to indicate they are leaving the On-In for the On-After or leaving the On-In for home.
  • Really Drunk - A state of mind that can occur with frequent hashing.
  • Religious Advisor - Sets the tone and discipline of the Hash. Seeks out Hash Criminals and punishes accordingly with Down Downs. Also known as the RA.
  • Respect - To be shown to the Hash Master, Religious Advisor, or whoever is running the circle.
  • Shortcutting - Avoiding perfectly good trail marks in an attempt to be lazy. This is usually done on purpose and if you find the trail while avoiding some particularly long boring section you have in fact short-cut... however, many times this type of behavior ends up in the hound becoming hopelessly lost.
  • SCB - Short-cutting bastard. A bastard that short-cuts.
  • Shiggy - Briars, slime, mud, deep creeks, quicksand, swamps, storm drains and other terrain which makes the hares happy and causes much pain and discomfort to the hounds that follow
  • Sponsors - Help provide Hash apparel, website, beers, parties ... anything in fact
  • Virgin - Someone who is new to hashing. Like virginity, this state once lost, can never be regained.
  • WebMaster - one who manages or maintains a home page or web site for the hash
  • Whistle/Horn - Small device worn around ones neck that is blown loudly to indicate to those far behind you that you are actually "on trail" and they should follow you.

Contact us


GrandMaster(bator): SexTax
GrandMistress: PussyWillow
RA: SmokeyDonkey
Incredible Hulk
some others I have forgotten...

Guide to Haring

Booger's Guide

Every hash has a certain type of wallflower: the harrier or harriette who shows up every week for the trail and the beer, but never hares. Most hash groups try hard to draw their wallflowers out, but there remain a stubborn few who can be relied upon to beg off whenever they're asked to set a trail.

I suspect that when you get right down to it, your really determined wallflower is afraid to hare. Afraid of doing something for the first time, afraid of being criticized for messing up the trail, afraid of being compared with better hares . . . and in a live hare hash, afraid of getting caught! I've hared so many times I can't begin to remember all the trails I've laid, but I'm still terrified every time I do it. I have vivid nightmares the evening before, and once I start laying trail, for the first mile I can't make up my mind whether to suck wind or hyperventilate. I strongly suspect that most hares experience some sort of pre-trail anxiety. It comes with the territory, and it's part of the thrill of haring.

Haring is a thrill, after all, and uniquely rewarding. It really is a kick to plan a trail, especially if you've discovered some unexplored, challenging terrain to spice it up. And there are so many possibilities . . . long straight A to Bs, eagle/turkey splits, uphill detours begging to be BTs, circular trails that can either be A to As, A to almost-As, even A to Bs. Trust me, few things in life come up to the level of fun you'll get from finishing your trail, then running back to a vantage point where you can watch the pack flailing through the shiggy . . . except, perhaps, for the pleasure of knowing you finished your trail without getting caught! Yes, it's rewarding. It adds a new dimension to your enjoyment of hashing, and once you've tried it, you'll want to do it again.

For the benefit of experienced hares who want to learn more about the art, for novice hares, and especially for hashers who would sign up to hare if they didn't find the whole deal so intimidating, here are some tips and techniques I've developed over the years:

Live Hare Trails. Find an experienced co-hare to help you lay your first trail, and listen to his or her advice. This really is the best way to learn . . . it'll also give you added confidence, and you can be sure your co-hare will help you plan your trail to minimize the chance of getting caught. Here are some live hare techniques tailored to your own prowess as a runner:

  • Front Running Bastard. Shit, just go for it. You probably don't even need a co-hare. All you have to worry about is using up your head start with checks, loops, and bad trails, so be sure to wear a stopwatch and remember to hack it when you take off. Plan a fairly straight A to B and you're in there. If you can't carry enough flour to lay the entire trail, you may want to go out ahead of time and stash an extra bag somewhere on trail.
  • Head of the Pack Runner. Go out one or two hours early and pre-lay your longer bad trails and loops. This will allow you and your co-hare to take maximum advantage of your head start, live haring just the basic trail from start to finish. Be very careful if you're laying a circular trail, though - short-cutters might head out backwards and catch you on your way in! Laying an A to B trail is the best way to avoid getting caught.
  • Middle of the Pack Runner. Make sure you recruit a good runner as co-hare, and have him or her run the complete trail, laying the middle portion. You lay the first part, then detour off trail to a place where you can pick up and lay the end. Alternately, have your co-hare lay the first two-thirds of the trail while you run straight to a point where you can pick up the last third. Both of these techniques require a circular trail, though not necessarily an A to A.
  • Back of the Pack Runner. Pre-lay two-thirds to three-fourths of your trail. Live hare the first portion, hide somewhere until the pack passes, then detour straight to a point where you can pick up and lay the last portion. Once again, you'll need a circular trail for this to work.
  • Fat Boy. Pre-lay nine-tenths of your trail. Run the first tenth, then hop in the car you stashed ahead of time (don't forget to bring your keys with you!) and drive to the end (being sure to park the car out of sight). Trail type no longer matters - you can set it straight or you can set it circular. You can set a f_cking rhomboid if you want.
    • Keep Up the Pretense. No matter which technique you use, keep the details to yourself and your co-hares. As far as the pack is concerned, you hared the entire trail live!
    • A Sobering Thought. You know what's really depressing? The above is pretty much a description of my downhill progress at haring over the years!
  • Regardless of Running Ability. Start planning trail a month, or at the very latest two weeks, before the event. Pick the area you want to run in, then select start and finish locations. Many hares pick the finish location first and start their planning from there. There are many considerations in picking start and finish locations - parking, shade, a place to pee, and a reasonable amount of isolation from civilians so you can sing and drink afterwards. Plan the route from start to finish. Begin with map study, then walk the route. Look for animal or kid trails . . . they'll lead you to all sorts of interesting places, like holes in fences, the best places to cross streams, the best routes up and down cliffs, etc. Pick the best places for checks, and make your BTs convincing. Your trail should keep the FRBs busy solving checks, allowing the pack to catch up. Live run your trail at least once, timing yourself. You should be able to run the basic trail (run the trail itself without taking bad trails or loops, that is) in 30 to 45 minutes. Don't worry that it's too short . . . with your checks, bad trails, and loops, the pack will be out for an hour or slightly longer.

Dead Hare Trails. At first glance, dead haring appears easier than live haring, but that's not necessarily true. I still recommend working with an experienced co-hare at first. Quite often, novice dead hares lay overly complicated, way-too-long trails, simply because without the worry of getting caught, they can. Here are some thoughts on dead hare trails:

  • Plan Ahead. Live or dead trail, the basics are the same: you need to plan ahead, putting some thought into start and finish locations as well as the route. You still want to lay a trail that will keep the pack together, slowing down the FRBs and allowing the slower runners an opportunity to catch up. Overall length should be the same as a live trail; it shouldn't take you much more than an hour to walk your basic trail from start to finish.
  • Viva la Difference. The difference between live and dead haring is that you have time to lay a more complex trail, with no pressure to hurry lest you get caught . . . just don't get carried away! Your only real time constraint is how early you can pre-lay and still expect your trail to be there when the pack runs it. A rainstorm between your pre-lay and the start of the hash can undo all your hard work; so can an anal property owner with a broom or garden hose. My point? Don't pre-lay trail too early . . . one to two hours before the start is about the right time to set out with your bag of flour.
  • Deus ex Machina. It's easier to take advantage of public transportation when you dead hare. You can time the start so that the pack, after running the first half-mile, for example, will arrive at a bus or subway stop in time to catch a ride to another part of town, where trail will resume. Elevators and ferry boats are always a nice touch. Be inventive. Just be sure that if you try this, you do it early enough on trail so that the pack is still together and no one gets left behind. By the way, it's up to you, the hare, to figure out how to pay for special items like this.
  • Boldly Go Where No Hare Has Gone Before. A live hare, running, is more likely to be challenged and turned away from certain venues than a dead hare, discreetly walking, looking innocent. What sort of venue? Oh, say, a fancy mall, tony stores inside the mall, hotel pools, casinos, air terminals, private beaches, gated neighborhoods, outdoor wedding ceremonies . . . you can certainly set the pack up for some high profile encounters! Obviously, a little of this can go a long way, and personally, I always think twice about laying trail through areas where the pack is likely to get busted for trespassing . . . then I go ahead and do it anyway!
  • Sweep Your Trail. As a dead hare, you should plan to run or walk behind the pack, looking for DOTs and helping them get back on trail.

Other Hare Responsibilities. In most hashes, live or dead hare, the hares sweep trail when hashers are overdue, finding DOTs and bringing them on-in. On hot days, hares should provide for water or beer stops along the trail. In hashes without a biermeister, the hares are usually responsible for bringing the beer. In some hashes, the hares are expected to find a suitable on-after restaurant or pub, while in other hashes, the hares bring and cook food for on-afters. But uppermost and always, the hares are responsible for laying a challenging, entertaining trail, the heart of every hash.

As I said, I get excited about haring, and I hope what I've written will help get you excited too. You really haven't experienced the full thrill of hashing until you've hared. Wallflowers, get with it . . . find an experienced co-hare and sign up now!

  • Booger's Guide to Haring ©1999 by Flying Booger for the Half-Mind Catalog


Basically a hash consists of three main parts, none of which have anything to do with the marijuana or hashish:

The Run (aka Trail)

One or two hashers, called the hare(s), lay a trail. They mark their trail with chalk arrows, shredded paper, flour, or pieces of toilet paper hanging in the bush, depending on local tradition or terrain. They might pre-lay trail a day or a few hours before the hash, or they might lay the trail as "live hares," running ahead of the pack with only a short (15 minutes is typical) head start. At a given signal, the rest of the hash (the Harriers, Harriettes, hounds, or pack) set off in pursuit of the trail. The idea is to keep the pack somewhat together and this is achieved by setting false trails, cunning checks, and sneaky loops. The fitter front runners will often run twice as far as the more slothful members, yet still finish the run at the same time as the rest of the pack. The length and difficulty of the run depends on the hare and the terrain but will typically be between four and eight kilometers, or about 45 minutes to an hour of running with checks, false trails, and shortcutting.

The Circle (aka Religion)

At trail's end hashers gather to drink beer and observe religious ceremonies . . . which consist of drinking more beer, this time ritualistically. Circles may be led by the hash Grandmaster, the Religious Adviser, or by a committee of mismanagement. Traditions (and the degree of rowdiness) vary from hash to hash, but in general the Circle consists of awarding "Down-Downs" for misdemeanors real, imagined, or blatantly made up, and the recipients will most likely have been dobbed in by their fellow hashers. Visitors are always given a Visitors Down-Down as are Virgins (first-time hash runners) and anyone else who comes to the attention of the Circle. The Circle can last a couple of minutes or half the night depending on the level of religious fervor of the hash. With changing times drinking has lost some of its importance and most clubs now modify their ceremonies to cater to non-drinkers and those stupid enough to think that hashing can improve their health.

The On-On (aka On-On-On, On-Afters, or Après)

Some hashes suspend ceremonies for awhile to consume food provided by the hare(s). Other hashes, at the conclusion of the Circle, repair to a nearby restaurant or pub. This is the social part of the hash, and the party usually breaks up afterward. In some hashes, however, religion may continue during or after On-Ons, with the telling of jokes and singing of songs, and all members, visitors, and virgins should come armed with at least one joke or song lest they be called upon.

The above article originally written by Steve "Modess" Trinka and stolen from the Hunter HHH page Additional information on starting and conducting hashes can be found at Harrier.Net

Friday, January 27, 2006

Hash Meeting Point Map

The Budapest Hash House Harriers meet here every Sunday at 11:30am. If you still can not find us you may want to consider just enjoying the lovely view of Parliament (It's the large building across the river (that's the big, brown-green, wet thing in front of you))

Thursday, January 26, 2006


(To "Alouette", the songmaster points to various parts of a "volunteer" harriette's anatomy as the song progresses.)

Aahlawetta, gentil Aahlawetta,
Aahlawetta, je te plumerai.

Songmaster: How I love her curly hair.
Pack: How I (you) love her curly hair.
Songmaster: Curly hair.
Pack: Curly hair.
Songmaster: Alouett.
Pack: Alouett.
Together: Oh-oh-oh-ohhh. (to Chorus)

Songmaster: How I love her bushy brows.
Pack: How I (you) love her bushy brows.
Songmaster: Bushy brows.
Pack: Bushy brows.
Songmaster: Curly hair.
Pack: Curly hair.
Songmaster: Alouett.
Pack: Alouett.
Together: Ohohohohhh.

Songmaster: How I love her criss-cross eyes...etc.

(And so it goes adding one more part with each verse to the anatomy list to test the sobriety and memory of the songmaster. Tradition would have the songmaster do a down down for missing a
part during the listing or otherwise screwing up the song.)

Harriette List from Top (with alternates):

1 Curly hair (rat's nest hair)
2 Bushy brows (furrowed brow)
3 Criss-cross eyes (bloodshot eyes)
4 Crooked nose (broken nose)
5 Lubra lips (sucking lips)
6 Two buck teeth (cum-stained teeth)
7 Double chin (drooling chin)
8 Saggy tits (swinging tits)
9 Big pot belly (pregnant belly/big beer belly)
10 Moofy crotch (furry thing)
11 Knobbly knees (skinny legs)
12 Tinea toes (big smelly feet)

Harrier List from Top (with alternatives):

1 Thinning hair (balding head)
2 Neaderthal brow (wrinkled brow)
3 Blood-shot eyes (one glass eye)
4 Broken nose (hairy nose)
5 Smelly breath (pukey breath)
6 Rotten teeth (toothy gap)
6 Double chin (Dumbo ears)
7 Hairy chest (skinny chest)
8 Big beer belly (Big pot belly)
9 Tiny dick (micro-penis)
10 Drooping sac (tiny balls)
11 Creaky knees (skinny legs)
12 Tinea toes (big smelly feet)

Alphabet Song

"A" is for asshole, all covered in shit

Chorus 1
"Heigh-ho," says Rowley.

"B" is for the bugger who revels in it,

Chorus 2
Singing rolly, poley, up'em and stuff'em,
"Heigh-ho," says Anthony Rowley.

"C" is for cunt all dripping with piss,
(to Chorus 1)
"D" is for the drunkard who gave it a kiss,
(to Chorus 2)

"E" is for the eunuch with only one ball, etc.
"F" is for the fucker with no balls at all, etc.

"G" is for goiter, gonorrhea, and gout, etc.
"H" is the harlot who spreads it about, etc.

"I" is for insertion, injection and itch, etc.
"J" is the jerk of a dog on a bitch, etc.

"K" is for knight who thought fucking a bore, etc.
"L" is the lesbian who came back for more, etc.

"M" is for maidenhead all tattered and torn, etc.
"N" is the noble who died on his horn, etc.

"O" is for orifice all cunningly concealed, etc.
"P" is the penis all pranged up and peeled, etc.

"Q" is the Quaker who shat in his hat. etc.
"R" is the Rajah who rogered the cat, etc.

"S" is the shit-pot all filled to the brim, etc.
"T" is the turds which are floating within, etc.

"U" is the usher who taught us at school, etc.
"V" is the virgin who played with his tool, etc.

"W" is the whore who thought fucking a farce, etc.
And "X", "Y", and "Z" you can shove up your arse, etc.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Banana Song

Yes, we have no ba-nan-as,

We have no ba-nan-as to-day.

We've limp ones and thick ones and ravages and sick ones,
And all kinds of dicks and say!
We have an old, fash-ioned cu-cum-ber,
To please you till you slum-ber.

But, yes we have no ba-nan-as,
We have no ba-nan-as today.

Bestiality's Best

Beastiality's best, boys, beastiality's best...
(Echo) Fuck a wallaby!
Beastiality's best, boys, beastiality's best!

Shove your log in a dog, boys,
Shove your log in a dog.
(Echo) Fuck a wallaby!
(You've gotta) shove your log in a dog, boys,
Shove your log in a dog...
(Songmaster:) All together now!

2 Up the rear of a deer...etc.
3 Intercourse with a horse...
4 Have a fuck with a duck...
5 Chuck your sperm in a worm...
6 Lick the twat of a cat...
7 Do an illegal with an eagle...
8 Up the hole of a mole...
9 Give some cock to a croc...
10 Shoot your load in a toad...
11 Have a rape with an ape...
12 Get in deep with a sheep...
13 Have a frig with a pig...
14 Up the thigh of a fly...
15 Give your gerbil some verbal...
16 Fool with the tool of a mule...
17 In the esophagus of an octapus...
18 Make it twirl in a squirrel...
19 Down the throat of a goat...
20 Shove your willy up a filly...
21 Stick you rod up a cod...
22 Up the spout of a trout...
23 Do it funky with a monkey...
24 Put your noodle to a poodle...
25 Make love with a dove...
26 Be very pleasant to a pheasant...
27 Sixty-nine with a swine...
28 Cunnilingo with a dingo...
29 Up the tail of a whale...
30 Up the ass of a bass...
31 Wear out a bug on the rug...
32 Mate a 'gator then fellate her...
33 Up the box of a fox...
34 Have a shag with a stag...
35 Nibble the twat of a rat...
36 In the dark with a shark...
37 Ejaculate in a skate...
38 Part the hare of a mare...
39 Have a screw with a shrew...
40 On top of the easel with a weasel...
41 Lick the clit of a nit...
42 Drink the pee of a bee...
43 Give a half to a giraffe...
44 Give a lickin' to a chicken...
45 Go a rounder with a flounder...
46 Make it wonky with a donkey...
47 In the sack with yak....
48 Get a suck from a duck...
49 Get under the tail of a snail...
50 Up the fanny of a nanny...
51 Get it out for a trout...
52 Up the hole of a sole...
53 On the lawn with a prawn...
54 Be a queer with a deer...
55 Have a shaggin' with a dragon...
56 Up the anus of a platypus...
57 Get the pox off a fox...
58 Any which way with a jay...
59 Have a hug with a bug...
60 Make some porn with a unicorn...
61 Put it through a gnu...
62 Have a goose with a moose...
63 Up the cunt of a runt...
64 Get frisky with a pixie...
65 In the Bahamas with some llamas...
66 Up the flue of a shrew...
67 Have a filler with a gorilla...
68 In the lake with a drake...
69 Get your release in a fleece...
70 Put it in the mid of a squid...
71 Make it course with a horse...
72 Help old Watson with a dachshund...
73 Soixante-neuf with a smurf...
74 Put it in the mouth of a sloth...
75 Get your oats with some stoats...
76 In the lake with a drake...
77 A dirty weekend in Wirral with a squirrel...
78 In the lug of a slug...
79 Have a squirm with a worm...
80 Have a cracker with a quacker...
81 Go and defile a crocodile...
82 In a bag with a stag...
83 Have a lark with an aardvark...
84 In a heap with a sheep...
85 Have a deer from the rear...
86 Go the whole way with a moray...
87 Have a toss with a hoss...
88 Put your thang in an orangoutang...
89 In the ear of a deer...
90 Make it limp in a chimp...
91 Beat you wick with a stick...
92 Up the toot-toot of a coot...
93 Be a rotter with an otter...
94 Put your cock in a peacock...
95 In the bog with a dog...
96 Have a chimp with an imp...
97 Come from behind with a hind...
98 Up the back of a yak...
99 On a train with a crane...
100 Anyway you can with a pelican...
101 On a honeymoon with a raccoon...
(And it never ends, make up your own!)

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


(Oh, My Darline Clementine)

There she stood beside the bar rail,
Drinking pink gins for two bits,
And the swollen whiskey barrels,
Stood in awe beside here tits.

I owe my darlin', I owe my darlin'
I owe my darlin', Clementine.
Three bent pennies and a nickel,
Oh my darlin' Clementine.

Eyes of whiskey, lips of water,
As she vomits in my beer.
Dawns the daylight in her temple,
With a fucking warming leer.

Hung me guitar on the bar rail,
At the sweetness of the sign.
In one leap leapt out me trousers,
Plunged into the foaming brine.

She was bawdy, she was busty,
She could match the great Buzoom.
As she strained out of her bloomers,
Like a melon tree in bloom.

Oh, the Oak tree and the Cypress,
Never more together twine.
Since that creeping poison ivy,
Laid its blight on Clementine.

Monday, January 23, 2006

Do Your Balls Hang Low?

Tune: Sailor's Hornpipe

Do your balls hang low?
Do they swing to and fro?
Can you tie 'em in a knot?
Can you tie 'em in a bow?
*Can you throw 'em o'er your shoulder,
*Like a Continental soldier?
Can you do the double shuffle,
When your balls hang low?

Ting-a-ling, God damn,

Find a woman if you can.
If you can't find a woman,
Find a clean old man.

If you're ever in Gibraltar,

Take a flying fuck at Walter.

Can you do the double shuffle,

When your balls hang low?

*Additional verses for measures 5 and 6:

Do they make a lusty clamor,
When you hit them with a hammer?

Can you bounce 'em off the wall,
Like an Indian rubber ball?

Do they have a hollow sound,
When you drag 'em on the ground?

Do they have a mellow tingle,
When you hit 'em with a shingle?

Do they have a salty taste,
When you wrap 'em 'round your waist?

Do they chime like a gong,
When you pull upon your dong?

Do Your Tits Hang Low?

Do your tits hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder?
Do you need a boulder holder?
Do your tits hang low?

Are your tits real small?
Are they flat just like a wall?
Can you hide them with your hands?
Can you see them there at all?
Would you look just like a male
if it weren't for your pigtails?
Are your tits real small?

Are your tits just right?
Are your blouses kinda tight?
If you had a disagreement
could you use them in a fight?
Do the boys throw fits
when you flash your tits
Are your tits just right?

Do your tits go squish
when you poke them like this?
Do they feel just like
a slimy jelly fish?
Does your man's pecker stand
when he holds them in his hand?
Do your tits go squish?

Are your tits real hard?
Could you use them as a guard?
Do your nipples poke through
your pink leotard?
When its wet and cold
do they stand out proud and bold
Are your tits real hard?

Do your tits have hair?
Do people stop and stare
when you wear a french braid
down to your underwear?
Do people think your breasts
are like your father's chest?
Do your tits have hair?

Are your tits really real?
Did it take them long to heal?
Are they silicone
or saline filled?
Do the boys hearts race
when you shake them in their face?
Are your tits really real?

If your tits are teeny weenie
or too big for your bikini
no matter how they look
no matter how they feel
be glad that you got 'em
cuz you know the boys will want'em

Down Down Song

Here's to ... ... he's true blue,
He's a hasher through and through
He's a pisspot so they say,
He tried to get to heaven,
But he went the other way!

Drink it down down down down,
down, down, down, down, down,
Why are we waiting, why are we waiting ... ...

Drunken Sailor

What shall we do with the drunken sailor,
What shall we do with the drunken sailor,
What shall we do with the drunken sailor,
Earlye in the morning?

Way hey and up she rises,
Way hey and up she rises,
Way hey and up she rises,
Earlye in the morning?

Put him into bed with the captain's daughter,
Put him into bed with the captain's daughter,
Put him into bed with the captain's daughter,
Earlye in the morning?

(Substitute these lines for 1-3 above for more verses)

Hang him by the balls in a running bowline...

Tie his prick in a double half-hitch...

Shave his crotch with a rusty razor...

Bare his bum for the horny sailors...

On his hands and knees like a dog now...

Shove a hose pipe up his asshole...

Have him whipped by a lovely sadist...

Shove it in his mouth when you're cumming...

Use his face for a pissin' contest...

That's what we'll do with the drunken sailor...

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Hash Hymn

Same tune as the lyrics. Sing with gestures, as actions speak much louder than words. Standard hash benediction closing down-downs.

Songmaster says, 'Respect for the Hash Hymn'

Swing low, sweet char-i-o-ot,
Cumin' four two carry me home...
Swing low, sweet char-i-o-ot,
Cumin' four two carry me home.

I looked over Jordon,
And what did I see-ee,
Cumin' four two carry me home...
A band of An-gels,
Cumin' after me-ee,
Cumin' four two carry me home...

(Songmaster says, '2nd verse')
If you get there be-four I doo,
Cumin' four two carry me home...
Tell all my friends I'm cumin' twoo,
Cumin' four two carry me home...

(Songmaster says, '3rd verse')
I'm sometimes up, I'm some-times down,
Cumin' four two carry me home...
But still my sole feels heav-en-ly bound,
Cumin' four two carry me home...


Songmaster says, 'Harlots', then women do chorus in high pitched voices, screaming in high pitched, exagerated climax at the each pause.

Songmaster says, 'Real Men', then men do chorus in low, deep voices, exagerating the size of their penis in the 'cumin'gesture by hold both hands apart in sweeping, two-handed masturbating gesture and swinging hands low to the ground with 'swing low'

Songmaster says, 'Ray Charles', then pack closes eyes and sings chorus with gestures, moving head from side to side with the beat.

Hash Virgin Serenade

To: Ball of Kerrymuir

Four and twenty virgins,
Came out to this old hash,
And when the hash was over,
There were four and twenty less.

Singing, balls to your partner,
Arse against the wall.
If ye canna get laid at this old hash,
Ye'll never get laid at all.

This fine young virgin she was there,
She had drank a bit too much,
Showing us her titties,
But sayin' we couldna touch.

This cocky virgin he was there,
Drinking Old Milwaukee's Best,
Showing the girls his tiny dick,
The girls they weren't impressed.

This other virgin she was there,
Talkin' 'bout givin' head,
But when it came to swallowin',
She would spit instead.

This other virgin he was there,
Askin' 'bout toe sucks,
The harriettes frowned and then they said,
"What do you want for three bucks?"

The other virgin SHE was there,
Givin' us all a great view,
While dancing on the table,
She said she'd do the crew.

This other virgin HE was there,
Getting drunk as he could be,
And by the time the circle broke up,
He'd pissed a gallon of pee.

This fine young virgin she was there,
With legs all firm and tan,
Her shorts rode up her ass so tight,
They squeaked whenever she ran.

Happy Birthday Songs

Version 1
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, you asshole,
Happy birthday, fuck you.

Drink it down, down, down . . .

Version 2
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
You look like a hasher,
And you smell like one too.

Drink it down, down, down . . .

Version 3
Here's to (name), she's true blue,
It's her (his) birthday, boo hoo hoo,
She is (age) if (s)he's a day,
Wishes she were younger,
But there's no way!

Drink it down, down, down . . .

Version 4
I've Been Working on the Railroad (Eyes of Texas)

Your day of birth is now upon you,
You're older by one day,
Your day of birth is now upon you,
And now you're gonna pay,
The Hash is gonna lay it on you,
You dirty bastard (bitchin') hound,
Your day of birth is now upon you,

Drink it down, down down down down

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Once a Bloody Hashman

Tune: Waltzing Matilda

Once a bloody hashman jumped into a shiggy-pit,
Under the smell of a durian tree,
And he hummed and he stank as he wallowed in that shiggy-pit,
I'll never see the beer, said he.

Short-cutting hashmen, short-cutting hashmen,
I'll never short-cut again, said he.
And he stank as he sank and wallowed in that shiggy-pit,
Who'll come a' wallowing in hash with me.

Up jumped a kampung man screaming most hysterically,
You can't swim there, Tuan, said he.
That's my jolly shiggy-pit you've got in your underpants,
That will cost you down-downs one, two, three.


Out climbed the hashmen, dripping very smellily,
You'll never get your kitty from me.
And he squelched and he oozed over to a billabong,
Who'll come a wallowing in hash with me.


Now his voice may be heard as he runs the trail so lone,
Please, please, please come a running with me.
But the pack, far ahead, is hiding very craftily,
Back to your shiggy-pit and let us be.

Sunday, January 8, 2006

Sex is Boring

Tune: Frere Jacques
(May be sung as a round)

Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Gonna cut my fingers off,
Gonna cut my fingers off,
One by one...

Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Pulling out my pubic hairs,
Pulling out my pubic hairs,
One by one...

Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Poking out my eyes,
Poking out my eyes,
One by one...

Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Cutting off my gonads,
Cutting off my gonads,
One by one...

Sex is boring,
Sex is boring,
Pain is fun,
Pain is fun,
Cutting off my penis,
Cutting off my penis,
Inch by inch...

Keywords: sex,

Short Song

Tune: Turkey in the Straw

Oh, the wiggle of her ass would make a dead man come,
And the nipple on her tit is as big as my thumb,
She's a mean motherfucker, she's a great cocksucker,
She's my girl, she fucks!

Drink it down, down, down, down...

Short Hymn

Traditional (WITH REVERENCE)

Hymn, hymn,
Fuck hymn. . .
Drink it down, down, down, down...

Saturday, January 7, 2006

The Beer's Prayer

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),
At home, as it is in the pub. Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage's,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer, the bitter and the lager.

Forever and ever.

Wednesday, January 4, 2006

Why Were They Born so Beautiful

Why Were They Born so Beautiful
Why were they born so beautiful,
Why were they born at all,
They're no fucking use to anyone,
They're no fucking use at all,

They ought to be publicly pissed on,
They ought o be publicly shot
And left in a public urinal
And left there to fucking well rot.

Drink it down-down-down-down down ad nauseam.

Sunday, January 1, 2006

#1000 Hash - Registration Form

  • To use, please download, just after where it says SCRIDB

  • If you don't see anything, download Adobe Acrobat and install it.

  • Fill in person and press "Click to Return Registration"

  • If you use Internet Email you will have to mail the .xml file to with the topic #1000 HASH.

  • If you can't use any of this update Adobe Acrobat, if you don't know what Acrobat is give up, you're hopeless

  • Some people can't get this to work no matter how hard they try, if this is you please just send the details requested to

  • Once this registration is complete banks details will be sent for transfer.
Sorry, it has come to my attention that you must register with SCRIBD to download this, trying to work this out. If you don't what to register, and I can sympathize, email me and I will send directly to you.
1000 Hash Form