March 2nd, 2008 - Hash 887

Hash #882 ???
Hares: Giving Head and Baldric
Hashers: Jaws, Bang Cock, Rabies, NFG Chilla, NFG Jason, Haggis, Incredible Hulk

“ ….Why don’t we surprise Sex Tax and Pussy Willow….?”

Was one of the subjects of conversation at the Hash Lunch. Indeed, there was already a circle huddled together under ONE umbrella as I arrived late at Batthyany Ter. and the heavens had opened whilst waiting for the elusive Sex Tax and Pussy Willow. My hope that they would turn up late and I would be spared the wrath of Bang Cock were forlorn, as the Hashers were keen to get going, and out of the rain with some haste.

But before we could start, we already lost one ‘brave’ prospective hasher who decided she would rather go home. But all praise to her to have atleast made the effort to get to the gathering point on a horrible day. So the remaining 9 piled hurriedly into the two cars and were grateful to momentarily get into some shelter. Luckily, or simply that Haggis took pity on the Hashers who faced a long journey out of Budapest by public transport, she offered to stay and do the Hash and use her car.

The Trail had been laid the day before in a thunderstorm, some way out of Budapest on the road to Esztergom in the area known as Pilisvorosvar. We understand that Giving Head and Baldric had fun doing so, and had retired into the Microbrewery (which was to be the Beer Stop at the end of the trail) afterwards for some consolation. Baldric let on that they were there till 1000hrs., although was that until 10am that morning or 10pm the night before?

Had the weather been better, it would have been an excellent trail; thought it was still very good albeit a bit challenging. We certainly had a little hiccup trying to get there. The Hares had anticipated taking public transport, and so were confused as to how to get there by car; not least because the train we were supposed to catch ultimately was not due for another hour and as it was an A to B trail cars had to be parked accordingly! The confusion and the total loss of memory by Giving Head could be attributed to the night before…..but we did eventually arrive at the start point. The drivers and Giving Head then left the pack to ferry the cars to the end point and would come back in the second car.

So we waited for them at the station (the name I can’t pronounce let alone remember). As the station waiting room was closed we waited in the cold and the wet. And we waited…..and waited…..and waited! Giving Head must have forgotten the wonders of modern technology, or was it due to the amnesia from the night before or the morning after? Meanwhile, we were mistaken for ‘pilgrims’ by a ‘local’ woman. But we continued to wait. Then rabies started his laughter therapy, which kept us amused for a while. Eventually, Baldric called Giving Head to find out where they were. It turns out that there was another change of plans and rather than drive back in a car, they had decided to wait for the train; and would be with us in a few minutes.

We then had a joke (who said joke?) that hopefully they had got on the correct train going in the right direction; but that joke (who said joke?) wasn’t going to be very funny (like some of Bang Cocks) if indeed they had found themselves back in Budapest! But alas as the train pulled in and stopped there bounced out three familiar hashers. So we could begin at last…..but not before the hash photo and a joke (who said joke?). So Bang Cock accosted a very beautiful young woman to do the honours, and then offered to repay her favour…. but she ran away. However, Bang Cock did succeed in taking her photo, which is probably now enlarged into a poster. And so the trail began. Surprisingly, or maybe not given the weather, there were 6 runners and 3 walkers. Perhaps that is significant….

The trail for the runners would have made a military training run look like a walk in the park! Luckily the weather had calmed down and stopped raining; in fact we had sunshine as well, but the muddy paths required extra attention. It was a great run, nevertheless, and surprisingly some check points were still visible. The walkers generally took a different, gentler, trail; and as it is always sods law, just when one of them decides to relieve themselves believing the runners to be nowhere near, a bunch of runners do happen by to witness her embarrassment. Rabies might have been concerned as she was wearing his coat at the time!

NFG Jason (why is he still NFG? Please note Mismanagement) decided that it was time for lunch at his normal feeding time soon after we started. So he proceeds to snap at the flies, and succeeds in swallowing one. Delicious. And provided him with some of the protein for the day.

And so we continued to negotiate the trail, running and walking. Until we came to the construction site of a pipeline. As we examined the pipes, we noticed that the new pipework in the distance was not connected yet. So I, Jaws, had the bright idea of riding down inside the pipe to the bottom a few hundred meters away! Brilliant! Was I brave enough to do it? I was surprised how enthusiastic the others were at chucking me down the pipe and into the black hole, with little concern for my safety. Thanks…..not!

But we all emerged safely at the end point, and were most grateful to retire to the Microbrewery discovered by the Hares. And what a find…..a large (Korso) beer for a measly 250 Forints. But it seems since Baldric had been there the night before, or perhaps because he was still there that morning, the price of the beer had been put up already. Perhaps they heard the BPH3 were arriving and decided to make their year’s profit that weekend. We hope to return there in the future. Especially as they allowed us to have the circle out on their patio with our beers. They must have thought we were mad to go out in that weather, and decided to amuse us. The circle attracted the usual ‘punishments’ and penalties; but one that I have to protest is when I was brought into the circle for feeding a fellow Hasher a duck the previous week, which didn’t agree with her weak stomach!

The only problem with the Microbrewery was that they did not serve food, so reluctantly we went on to another restaurant, which was located right at the edge of a lake, and a beautiful setting. As the weather turned nasty again, we were grateful to be tucking into our meals indoors, enjoying a few jokes (who said joke?) and laughs, some at the expense of other Hashers ofcourse! “ ….Why don’t we surprise Sex Tax and Pussy Willow….?”. If you don’t want a Hash at your house or want to be at the receiving end of a joke perhaps you need to be at the Hash…..

On On Jaws

Jan. 13th - Hash #882 Ice Capades & Chili

This is your late-coming official old fart, Sir Rabies reporting.

His Majesty, GM Sex Tax had warned us last week in writing: "You better go to hash, or the Hash will go to you!" Also, Jaws & Oral Orgasm have invited us for a free(!!!) after-hash chilly party on this same day. Another thing; it was known ahead of time, that the hash site will be on the hill-less, perfectly flat Pest side of Budapest. The synergic effect of these three (maybe more?) factors was amazing!

The turnout broke decade old records. There were around thirty of us, including at least six of the runners alone. Namely, Sheila (later Ginger Pussy), Incredible Hulk, Cheesy Balls, Baldric the Great, Shivering Jason and my good rabid self. St. Anus was hard to tell, if he walked or ran, he himself was not sure, only lost for sure. Walkers were quite impossible to list, either, since all of them got lost, but in several different groups, some under the leadership of hare Jaws, not to mention always alternative Lynn, that is our leaving Wet Blanket, as well as the never-hasher (yet numbersome) party vultures. Not only them, but I got mixed up, too.

Both the beer-drinking Circle and the belonging naming ceremony went well, while tramping in lots of dog-poop in the very middle of Hunyadi square, with also drinking homeless supporters around. Only the ending party could supersede the excellent beginning. Jaws proved to be an outstanding cook again. He prepared two huge pots full of chilly, one hot for the professional Indian food lovers, and one mild for the hash wimps.

Despite all complaints (the hot was found much too spicy, the mild was found not enough spicy), all the chilly was eaten up within a few minutes, as well as the rice and the corn bread offered. Huge amounts of beer and wine were also consumed, of course. Too bad, that my better half, Lady Rabies (Tokaji Sweet by maiden hash name) was missing from the party. She was supposed to come, but later she changed her mind, as usual. The after-meal down-down games were led by Petula Clark (Pussy Willow Baton) and George Harrison (Sex Tax), respectively. In the absence of my wife, these crazy games led to the unforgettable event of being kissed in public by Wet Blanket. Trying to behave like a gentleman, from this point on I refrain from disclosing any further details. Ask for the pictures from those photographer hashers flashing around all day, if you want to know, but don't dare to tell my dear wife, not at any rate. Never! OnOn...

Ps.: On the following day the usual Monday Night Hash-On-Ice went cool, in line with the acceptable participation implicated by the ironic general reaction, when I re-advertised this event in the Hash Circle on the day before. Less snow flakes and more skaters compared to the previous Monday, but still none of them from the Hash, except for me, this time suffering from a cold too. Laying in my sick-bed now it makes me ponder, if the idea of hashing on ice is worth for it at all? On the other hand, Monday night Bang Cock was kind enough to invite me for an after-ice pint at Captain Cook's place. Please read again and do reflect on BC's message repeated below:

Sept 2nd - Hash #863 HHH

Hare-Jaws

The Outsourcing Run

We were the last to arrive as I had mucked around the house debating about whether to attend due to my child carrier (aka my other half “Come and Go” – aptly named you will notice) being out of the country. Fortunately the Budapest Pack has an intellectual IQ that appeals to 3.5 year old “Eagle Eye” and I was able to outsource child entertainment for a substantial part of the afternoon.

We moved by car convey (the hare squashed into the boot of my car) to the start of the run which I understand to be the end of the 56 or 65 bus. Anyway, we were headed for the highest point in Budapest - a thought I relished with a 15.5kg handicap.

Eagle Eye and myself started somewhat slowly as we collected several rocks, sticks and examined carefully the blobs (few and far between). Pussy Willow and Sheila doubled back to make sure we were still en-route. Pussy Willow accepted a huge stick as a gift from Eagle Eye which she managed to carry around for the entire run including the bus and tram trip back to the circle.

Up and up we went following a blob approx. each kilometre. At last we arrived at the beer stop and we were glad to be ahead of the main group of walkers. Drinks were ordered and I made the fatal mistake to order a shandy. This was mainly because I wanted to seem a responsible parent on the descent, which would most likey involve carrying Eagle Eye. Some locals helped with translation and I ended up with a small beer and juice – bloody useless translators! Then about 5mins later some bread and dripping arrived as the Shandy! It was so warmly received by the pack that a plate of it was ordered and quickly eaten up over another round.

The sky looked ominous, so we started to make our way back. The runners speed off and the walkers talked and talked and walked straight past a false trail mark….thinking we were being super clever and that all roads lead to beer. Not so! As we descended we started to realise that we were actually no where close to where we were meant to be. Cross examining several locals and a bus driver saw us get on a bus then a tram to meet with the rest of the pack.

The circle was behind a local church with many crimes being punished and a general whip around for money for Jaws to buy more flour next time.

The evening commenced with a trip to a local pizza joint and another Sunday bloody Sunday used up on a load of good for nothings…well at least they are good entertainment for a child!

Till next week when Eagle Eye and parents set our first Budapest trail.

On On
Can´t Say No

August 19th - Hash #861 Gellert to Budavar

Scribe: Jaws taking the bullet for NFG Lidia (sic?)
Hash #861

Hares: Baldric

Hashers: Jaws, St Anus, Smokey Donkey, Beatrice, Sex Tax, Pussy
Willow, NFG Lydia, Eagle Eye, Mama Eagle Eye, Papa Eagle Eye, Giving
Head


The Orange Man, as he was appropriately renamed for the day, had found his playmate for the day and so he was happy although she was mentally more advanced than him as she was only aged 3.5. But she was happy to humour the Orange Man, alias St Anus, throughout the hash with her shouts of 'On On', often echoed by the Orange Man. It was suggested she called him that because of the colour of his shirt, but I think it was more to do with his complexion....

We had tried to gather at the regular meeting point in Batthyany ter, but were displaced a hundred meters or thereabouts because our territory had been reclaimed by the 'Red Bull Air Race' tents, set up so a few people could feel important and privileged to watch the race from the comforts of the hospitality tents, and others could be succoured into buying tickets to enter the cordoned off zone by the Danube, so they too could feel privileged. Apologies for anyone who came and did not find the hash group, but rather predictably the mismanagement failed to anticipate this problem. Nevertheless, a couple of hares did make the effort to go around looking for any prospective lost souls, but came back empty handed. The last to arrive was NFG Lydia, but for some unknown reason St Anus actively talked her out of being the scribe...go figure. And as I was last before her, it somehow fell upon me to scribble this trash, without being advised of
it!!

So the plan was to take a replacement bus up to Gellert (as the tram was obviously not working due to the air race) which departed from Batthyany ter. We waited for about 20 minutes when a bus appeared. And alas it seems just at that time NFG Lydia had decided to go looking for some water, so off went all of us on the bus whilst Baldric stayed behind and went looking for her, hoping to catch the next bus. This meant, you guessed it, the rest of us ended up waiting for the Hare at the Gellert.


Finally the trail began. Up from the Gellert Hotel and up and up and up and on and on and on, winding all the way to the Citadel, which as it turns out was only for the benefit of the runners. Whilst the runners waited at the top for the walkers to catch up, Baldric appeared and informed us we had to retrace the route back down again to catch up with the walkers. Then he recognised a celebrity Brit who we were watching being filmed at the Citadel making a TV programme, or covering the race for the UK TV. Baldric was convinced it was 'the famous British Olympic rower'.

Excitement over, we continued the trail on to the castle where the freshly uncovered ruins were now openly displayed for all to see. It was certainly busy and all the more so as there were some 'exhibitions' around the place. I suspect a lot of people were laughing at us or perhaps were confusing us with the 'exhibits' or 'processions' as we shouted out 'on on!'. Or perhaps they though we were just a plain stupid rabble. Nevertheless, we wound our way through the crowds and had a brief stop for refreshments at one of the outside stalls. Finally, zig zagging past the Fishermans Bastion and through the main street on down in the general direction of Batthyany ter. The runners then decided to have a beer stop at a local café, perhaps because I had remarked earlier how we had run past so many cafes / bars already without a beer stop. Alas, Baldric shouted out to NFG Lydia and me, who were leading the pack by now, to turn back to join them. He then called the walkers to advise them of his new scheme, but only to be told that the walkers were already at the end point; they had decide to take a short cut.


So another proper beer stop missed and off we went back to Batthyany ter. At the starting point. But of course logically one would have expected the walkers to be waiting there, but no. They had decided to wait at a different location along with a load of other common drunks by the toilets, and just waited for the runners to find them!

The down-down was held just there. The usual trash, and one naming of what must be the youngest Hasher in the world; St Anus's new found friend. She was duly christened 'Eagle Eye'. I then pointed out that as it was St Anus's birthday (which he had kept quiet about), he should be buying everyone a drink. But that came to nothing, and indeed he even failed to announce that all were welcome to his party at the Sark Bar on Margit-sziget that night.


The afternoon was finally concluded by a lunch at a local restaurant in Batthyany ter. Then followed, by now the familiar sight of Baldric tempting other hashers to another drinking session after lunch. He succeeded in persuading Jaws and Giving Head, without much effort, who went on to a rather decent Belgian Bar overlooking the Danube, with a good view of the air race. Front row seats with a good view, no entry tickets and beer of upto 9% proof! Great except for the extremely loud tannoy across the road from the bar, blaring out some incomprehensible commentary of the race, which we felt like shutting up somehow, and which seemed to continue even after the race had ended and the crowds had dispersed! But shut up it eventually did.....


Eventually, Baldric and I headed off to the Sark Bar to St Anus' party, whilst Giving Head went home sulking. The party seemed to be a rather civilized affair of just a few people sitting and drinking, until it started to rain a little. At which point Baldric and I decided to head for the last tram, and just as we left one of the worst thunderstorms hit Budapest, and so we ended up fighting gushing torrents of water, strong wind, and hailstones. Completely soaked to the skin, we succeeded in catching the last tram. And so ended another normal hash. The whole day was up, up, up, up, and up, and on, on, on, and on, and down, down, down, down, down, down, and down, and down.....to the last drop.