Sept. 21 - Hash #911 - Rosadomb

Hare: Me
Scribe: NFG Kinga

On September the 21, our trail was set by St Anus. It led us through Rózsadomb – some of you who happen to live here in this beautiful country of ours, and still choose not to learn the language, but surround yourselves with merely English speakers and try to live like in a bubble - well, if you are one of those, you might not know that Rózsadomb means Rose Hill.

Although I usually prefer walking in forests rather than along public roads, there was not much traffic, so it wasn’t bad. I enjoyed this trail a lot, I found it physically challenging enough with all those steep steps and slopes, and also liked the unpredictability of where those little winding alleys and steps might take us. Smokers who had a hard time climbing uphill are now strongly encouraged to consult me for some medical advice.

Pussy Willow was very kind, she explained to me all about this flour sign system. As I understand, it is part of the game that the sign is without an arrow. So the runners do the harder job. Next time when I join the runners, I suggest not helping walkers and turning the sign into an arrow! I would prefer not making life any easier for anyone. (Yes, yes, now you must have recognized me. It is your teacher speaking :o)

It was a nice surprise that the trail finally led through some woods and most of all that it ended at Pálvölgyi cave. It was a pity that some people left before the circle.

It turned out that the mysterious new guy called David was Sex Tax’s brother. I found it quite strange that his hair was not white. I loved those obscene songs. Bang Cock let us take a glimpse into his musical talent. (Where can I get the lyrics?) The choice of beers was really excellent, but! You should be more careful about the temperature. The kind I had to drink as punishment was really too cold. I was punished several times, so it was really endangering my health. (Is there someone who could back this outrageous wives tale up???)

Those who didn’t continue up to the restaurant, can be really sorry. You missed a great time, some delicious gulyás and some hilarious scenes as well. Giving Head was so desperate, she was only willing to share her leftover food in exchange for some male company. Unfortunately, the blackmail was unfruitful. Well, keep trying, better luck next time :o)

NFG KINGA

July 20th Hash #902 - Outside Budakeszi

Hare: St A
Scribe: Cheesy Ball who thinks he is better than everyone else and therefore doesn't have to write up a report on the best hash every had in Budapest, Hungary, or all of Eastern MFing Europe.

Cheesy Balls has let the hash down again!!!!

April 29th - #846 Látó-, Kecske-, and Homok hegy

Hares: Rabies and Cunning Linguist

In yet another, in a long string of, beautiful Sunday mornings I was off to Batthány tér to see what Rabies and Cunning Linguist had cooked up for today’s run. After catching a preview from Cheesy Balls at the Hash social Thursday night I was expecting some pain to come from the run. The out-of-towner, who requested a Monday run was unaccustomed to the hills of Budapest and slithered back to the middle-eastern flatness of home.

Ascending from the bowels of Batthány metro station, I spied a hash haberdasher’s wet dream. Decked from head to toe in all manner of hashware, a guest, Yawning Onion, from the US, by way of Brazil and his Brazilian doctor (On Ya Vanya and Bundling Board; Fortaleza, Brazil ) wife, who must have been bamboozled by his oily American charm, were trying to find our starting point, not so easy since the rakpart was choked with parents watching their horrors finish up a biathlon (not the cool ski/shot one). I generously led them to our starting point and awaited more hashers to show.

One-by-one they slowly trickled in, Sex Tax and Pussy Willow, Rabies, the French NFG* who name I think is Thomas, Non-Smokey Donkey, and finally Cunning Linguist who did her best Baldrick, “I can come 35 minutes late since I am a hare” imitation. Off we 9 sped on the #11 bus towards Csatárka for another run into the Budai Távédelmi Köryet.

Surprising to everyone, especially me, was when we were set upon by rabid ticket inspectors (ON A BUS!, ON A SUNDAY!!! WTF?) demanding to see our tickets. I am routinely a “black” rider so I thought I knew how to handle the situation. I summoned up some righteous indignation and my best excuse for not having a ticket: “The ticket machine at the Metro station took my money and didn’t give a ticket. Then when I called the number listed, they hung up on me since they could not speak English, what am I supposed to do? I am but a dumb foreigner”. After a few “ers” and “ahhs” she left confused for the back of the bus without even a “goodbye” or “sorry for the inconvenience”.

After Smokey Donkey informed us all of his criminal record back in Denmark, and that everyone has one. In the back of the bus Sex Tax was receiving a tongue bath from some strange bitch he just meet. She was kind enough to pose in our group photo before we set off for the run.

We circled and Rabies instructed all as to “how to hash” and the particulars of the day’s hash. When he asked for a show of hands for those who were choosing to walk, all but the hare’s hands went up. Finally, unable to withstand the melancholic look on his face, Sex Tax and I agreed to take up the challenge. Off we ran.

It was a cleverly laid route full of checks, 6 or 7 by my count, and falsies, through the slopes of Látó, Kecske, and Homok** hegy. Since SexTax and I were the only non-hare runners, we had to run down all the false trails. Lucky for me SexTax was not so good at picking which direction Rabies would send us next. I kept giving him first choice as to which path to follow and for all but one he choose incorrectly. He probably wound up running an extra km or 2.

Arriving at Oroszlán szilka***, Rabies proceeded to try and mate with the rock. “It’s slippery” he said, and we knew he had been there before. More than just a monument of the trail, it also turned out to be the start of an uphill scamper to a Hash View”. We billy-goated our ways up the rocky face of Kecskehegy to be treated to some beautiful views of Hűvösvölgy. Soon the walkers caught up and also enjoyed the scenic vista. Finally we pushed on for the final leg of our journey.

On this route we came across the Arpád kilátó (lookout station). It was a beautiful view of the city below. We felt a few sprinkles which turnout to be nothing. After a short rest we set off.

Back at the starting point Cunning Linguist tucked into some turo-retés she had squirreled away before the run and the rest of us legged it to the corner shop for some beer for the circle.

Down-downs were generously handed out to guilty parties, mostly due to the ample amount of beer which was purchased. To the hares, to Sex Tax for bestiality, to the lot of us for some arcane rule about sunglasses Rabies invented on the spot, to Rabies for pointing on the hash, to the foreigners for unremembered offences, to the NFG for mismatched socks, and others. The circle closed with Sex Tax and Pussy Willow offering/being forced to teach the NFG “the way of the hare” for #846 next week, and much of the hash heading to Trombitas for another excellent meal.

On On****,

StAnus PSOSD

*New Fucking Guy

**An interesting pluralization

***Lion’s rock

****Cunning Linguist was designated scribe but I was bored and will add anything here she writes.

More photos here

April 1st - #842 Nagy/KisKevely - April Fools’ Day

Hares: Bald run (Hare-less)

I went to the meeting place (Batthyany ter square, as always) with my car this time, yet I was arriving late, actually for the last. Accordingly, I was picked to write the report on the run. Here you are.

On the previous Sunday hash there were too many hashers and not enough cars. This time it went just the opposite way; there were too many cars and not enough hashers, so I could leave my Suzuki at the car-park of the meeting place.

Mismanagement Committee did their best again, no hares were assigned and no trail was laid on Fools’ Day, of course. Finally, Bursting Bladder came up with the idea to run up to the Nagykevely peak of the Pilis mountains, from the quarry nearby the village of Csobanka. The directions given directly by Bursting Bladder were fit for a hash Grand Master of his multitude, absolutely useless, I mean. By mistake the walkers first climbed the Kiskevely (“Little Pride”) instead of the Nagykevely
(“Huge Pride”), for instance. The runners got also lost several times in the maze of tourists, trails and caves.

At the end of the day the pack came together on the correct peak, the “Huge Pride”, admiring the great views around and the private huge pride of Incredible Hulk. Hulk tied his waist around his waist in a way implicating to have a constant erection. “Things like that make Hulk really Incredible!” admitted Agi, Hulk’s dear one with a blush.

Agi somehow managed again to escape the naming ceremony during the afterhash circle ritual. Liam (?) was not so lucky. Despite of being pretty fresh in BH3, he was baptized on the spot, without mercy. His new hash name is “Saint Anus” from now on. It has also something to do with beetles called “szentjanosbogar” in Hungarian, although this is the local name of firebug, an insect not visible in this season at all. Yes, RA Smokey Donkey has mixed up everything again, as usually. The riddle remains unsolved forever, unless one of you can debug it for me.

“If you go to hash baptizing, make sure to wear some flour in your hand!” This was sung when we all assisted the naming ceremony. Too bad, but all cameras broke down, no pictures could be made on this hash. You have to believe my witness alone; flour with beer show well on blond hair too.

*Editor’s notes:This time the editor and the scribe is the same person: Yours Sincerely OnOn, Rabies, the official local old fart.