March 25th - #841 Buda Hills

Hares: Incredible Hulk and Ági.

There was much potential for this run to go wrong. The day before had been rainy and cold. The time-change happened Saturday night, and some hashers woke at 10:00, with plenty of time to make the hash, then realized it was actually 11:00. There was a shortage of vehicles.

But the morning of run 841 dawned sunny and bright, the hash waited by Battyany tér until everyone showed up, 10 Minutes Late helped with an extra car to get up into the hills of Buda, and we were on-on!

The run started straight up-hill along the roads, then into a trail in a nature preserve (which we entered without permit). We wound through hill and dale and tiny dirt roads for quite a while, then up past the houses of Buda. The day was gorgeous and the views were good all along, but at a particularly good view we stopped to admire. Silly pictures and possibly movies were taken, and there was a traditional hash performance of "Brother Abraham!"


We followed the tricky trail back down through hill and dale, and came back to the cars. We moved into the parking lot of a high school for the circle -- the security guard eyed us suspiciously, but decided that chasing us off would be too much trouble.

The circle was full of boozy good cheer. Hulk and Ági were given down-downs as hares. Three Times a Weenie, and Mona (see below) were given down-downs as visitors. Just Nitu was awarded a down-down as the sole virgin, and wondered what she had gotten herself into. Lehel, Zsuzsa, and French Maid were given down-downs as returnees, and it was on the religious portion of the circle.

Some of the usual penalties were assessed: Trigamist was a SCB (Short-Cutting Bastard). It was decided that Smoking Donkey was really walking too fast, and he was therefore down-downed for being FWB (Front Walking Bastard). Technology on trail was trouble for many: Lehel, French Maid and Nata for phones, Nitu and Hulk for digital cameras. Hash gear was also a problem for many -- most of the circle was in for no hash gear, and the singing of "down-down-down-down" was markedly weak. Lehel drank slowly enough for an entire chorus of "why are we waiting" to be sung. Smoking Donkey and Three Times a Weenie were called into the circle for abusing alcohol by dumping beer on him. Many additional penalties were assessed, and no one left with dry lips (although Cheezy Balls tried.)

Finally, naming's were discussed. It was decided that it was far overdue for Lehel to be named. He looks a little bit like a leprechaun, and:

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A tall man is in the mens room using the facilities. A short guy, about knee high, comes in and pulls up a stool, and starts taking a pee too. The tall guy keeps looking over his shoulder. The little guy says, "What the hell are you looking at?" and the tall guy replies, "Well, for you being such a short little guy, you have an awfully big pecker on you!"

"Well," says the short guy, "Of course I do. I am a leprechaun, and I can have anything I wish for!"

"A leprechaun, you say? Does that mean you can give me any thing I wish for?!" asks the tall man.

"Well, yes, but I am a gay leprechaun, so I'll want a favor in return," says the short guy.

After thinking, the tall guy says, "Alright then. I want a million dollars, a brand new mansion, and 2 brand new Porsches!"

"Fine!" says the short guy, "its all yours! But first I want you to pull your pants down, bend over and grab your ankles!"

So, the guy does it, and the short guy climbs back up on the stool, and really gives it to him! The guy is just moaning. The short guy says, "So tell me, What is your name?" The tall guy moans, and stomping his feet, he says, "My name is Bruce....."

"Bruce? How old are you?" asks the short guy.

Stomping his feet even harder, he moans, "I'm 32!"

The short guy says, "Bruce? You're 32 and you still believe in Leprechauns?!"

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But he's a cyclist, and so we named him Flat Tired. (This turned out to be very appropriate!) Flour and beer were liberally dabbed on, and the hash baptism was complete.

Zsuzsa has also hashed for a long time without a name. As she works for Borsodi, we discussed some beer-themed names. We recalled that good beer has great head, so we named her Gives Head. Since it had gotten colder since L�hel's naming, Zsuzsa was baptized with flour alone.

Additional naming possibilities were discussed. Nitu looked like Pocahontas, so Poke-Her-Hontas was a good possibility, but she was let off the hook on account of it being her first hash. Mona claimed not to remember her second hash name (having already forgotten the
first). Since she's swedish and likes smelly rotten fish, Smells Like Fish was suggested, but she was let off with a promise to name her with triple beer and flour the next time she's in town without a name! Three Times A Weenie was down-downed for having been acting RA at her naming hash and having forgotten her name as well. It was noted that Ági is due for a naming, but no good ideas were proffered, and the naming was deferred. Ági, start doing more silly things on the hash, so we have fodder to name you! For example, a friend was named Pussy Pong after getting a ping-pong ball stuck "down there." Start living up to her example!

We then went on to a restaurant whose name I forget for Hungarian food and much much wine. Possibly due to the wine, I've forgotten more than just the restaurant name, but a boozy good time was had by all.

Flat Tired fell asleep halfway through the meal, and was allowed to snore peacefully, although we did take incriminating photos of him. Smoking Donkey ordered so much wine, that they ran out of the one we were working on. He tried to bargain the price of the more expensive wine they suggested substituting, but the waitress pointed out that it was a restaurant, and not a market.

Friendly rivalry went on between the Swedes and Danes. The Swedes came out ahead -- Smoking Donkey pointed out that, while, the Danes open people with open arms, the Swedes welcome them with open legs, which made us want to go to Sweden a lot more than Denmark.

Finally, after much additional BSing, we spilled out of the restaurant, did a quick round of the hash hymn on the roadside, and poured ourselves into cars. We fit 16 people into two cars, but
fortunately the police were eating pogacsas when we drove past the station and left us alone.

Russ Woodroofe - 3x a Weenie

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Hulk's Photo Gallery

March 18th - #840 St. Paddy's Day

Hares: BangCock & Linda

Through some miscalculation of time I find myself anointed with the task of reporting on the recent Hash this past Sunday. It is with some annoyance that I write this account as it will primarily benefit those either too lame to get to the Hash or others who have given other worldly activities a priority both of which deserve a ribald tune at the least. None the less, on on with the lamentations.

The day began with a group of 13 hardy souls gathering at the blustering precipice some time after the appointed hour (yours truly included). This was suppose to be a St. Patrick’s day run with a prominent display of green hash gear. Some actually showed up in something green, other adorned themselves with a few sprinkles of green color and a few just blew off the whole idea.

The hares set a trial in the hills of Normafu*, apparently having heard about it the week before and too cerebrally handicapped to find a different venue. Thus we arrived at familiar grounds and, to our astonishment set off in a direction different from last week. The trail and route selected by the days Hares proved to be more fitting to a goat than either walking or running on only two limbs. So treacherous was the way, that one of our numbers abandoned the outing and retreated to never-neverland. Thus reduced to 12 the group made its way down canyons, over ridges and through craggy rock laden rabbit runs to arrive at the bottom of the mountain, and the end the run.

The group was equally astonished to discover that the end of the run was several kilometers from the starting point where, was left all manner of personal belongings and the BEER. However an energetic pair of resourceful Hashers ventured back to the cars through the airways and on foot returning with the refreshments. The Hash circle included the usual verbal abuse of the Hares, particularly for bringing us on a one-way route. Following that, there was a salute and recognition to 2 new virgins, one of which claimed to have actually run before, but I doubt it.

The highlight of the circle proved to be the naming of Linda. She was sent off to distant lands while the now beer laden group debated over the proper name with which to baptize Linda as a true Hasher. After several rounds of nominations and votes a decision was achieved (odd). Summoned back to the circle, Linda was made to kneel and receive the ceremonious dousing of beer and floor**. As she bent forward for the procedure we were treated to the site of a chartreuse waste band, upon which some uncouth Hashers cast gobs of flour. In a brief instant the white powder immediately slide past the waistband to nether regions below. Thus anointed it was professed that Linda shall forthwith and ever after be known to all Hashers throughout the known world and beyond as Cunning Linguist. Yes that’s right, lets say that again but not too fast. CUNNING LINGUIST.

As the poor girl was allowed to rise we noticed a profusion of tiny white beer muffins cascading down her Chestnut locks. This sight only stimulated our thoughts about what became of the floor that was now firmly entrenched in that nether region beyond the chartreuse waistband. Being rather fond of backsides, I had several illuminating thoughts myself about its circumstance, none of which I dare state here.

At the close of the circle the group retreated to the adjoining eatery for a meal and what else, more beer. Although filling the food was less palatable than previous visits to this same establishment, although rumor has it that it gets better in the summer when the construction sawdust has had a chance to clear.

Thank you for reading and in hopes of not repeating this process, I will endeavor to arrive promptly at future hashes. Yours truly, Andy aka (seeking a new name***) Cheeseyballs

Hulk's Hash Flash

Editor’s (Rabies) notes:
*What a splendid spelling, indeed worth for a first class local language-torture medal. Congratulations, Cheesy Balls!
**After all, was it floor, or flour, or flower?
***Are you surely seeking a new name??? I have never heard of anybody being any happier with his/her new hash name as with the previous one…