March 18th - #840 St. Paddy's Day

Hares: BangCock & Linda

Through some miscalculation of time I find myself anointed with the task of reporting on the recent Hash this past Sunday. It is with some annoyance that I write this account as it will primarily benefit those either too lame to get to the Hash or others who have given other worldly activities a priority both of which deserve a ribald tune at the least. None the less, on on with the lamentations.

The day began with a group of 13 hardy souls gathering at the blustering precipice some time after the appointed hour (yours truly included). This was suppose to be a St. Patrick’s day run with a prominent display of green hash gear. Some actually showed up in something green, other adorned themselves with a few sprinkles of green color and a few just blew off the whole idea.

The hares set a trial in the hills of Normafu*, apparently having heard about it the week before and too cerebrally handicapped to find a different venue. Thus we arrived at familiar grounds and, to our astonishment set off in a direction different from last week. The trail and route selected by the days Hares proved to be more fitting to a goat than either walking or running on only two limbs. So treacherous was the way, that one of our numbers abandoned the outing and retreated to never-neverland. Thus reduced to 12 the group made its way down canyons, over ridges and through craggy rock laden rabbit runs to arrive at the bottom of the mountain, and the end the run.

The group was equally astonished to discover that the end of the run was several kilometers from the starting point where, was left all manner of personal belongings and the BEER. However an energetic pair of resourceful Hashers ventured back to the cars through the airways and on foot returning with the refreshments. The Hash circle included the usual verbal abuse of the Hares, particularly for bringing us on a one-way route. Following that, there was a salute and recognition to 2 new virgins, one of which claimed to have actually run before, but I doubt it.

The highlight of the circle proved to be the naming of Linda. She was sent off to distant lands while the now beer laden group debated over the proper name with which to baptize Linda as a true Hasher. After several rounds of nominations and votes a decision was achieved (odd). Summoned back to the circle, Linda was made to kneel and receive the ceremonious dousing of beer and floor**. As she bent forward for the procedure we were treated to the site of a chartreuse waste band, upon which some uncouth Hashers cast gobs of flour. In a brief instant the white powder immediately slide past the waistband to nether regions below. Thus anointed it was professed that Linda shall forthwith and ever after be known to all Hashers throughout the known world and beyond as Cunning Linguist. Yes that’s right, lets say that again but not too fast. CUNNING LINGUIST.

As the poor girl was allowed to rise we noticed a profusion of tiny white beer muffins cascading down her Chestnut locks. This sight only stimulated our thoughts about what became of the floor that was now firmly entrenched in that nether region beyond the chartreuse waistband. Being rather fond of backsides, I had several illuminating thoughts myself about its circumstance, none of which I dare state here.

At the close of the circle the group retreated to the adjoining eatery for a meal and what else, more beer. Although filling the food was less palatable than previous visits to this same establishment, although rumor has it that it gets better in the summer when the construction sawdust has had a chance to clear.

Thank you for reading and in hopes of not repeating this process, I will endeavor to arrive promptly at future hashes. Yours truly, Andy aka (seeking a new name***) Cheeseyballs

Hulk's Hash Flash

Editor’s (Rabies) notes:
*What a splendid spelling, indeed worth for a first class local language-torture medal. Congratulations, Cheesy Balls!
**After all, was it floor, or flour, or flower?
***Are you surely seeking a new name??? I have never heard of anybody being any happier with his/her new hash name as with the previous one…