Dec. 30th - Hash #880

Scribe: Bangcock

Here’s to Fair weather Hashers
Fair weather Hashers
Fair weather Hashers
Here’s to the Fair weather Hashers
Who weren’t with us today!

They’re happy, they’re jolly
But absent by golly.
Here’s to the Fair weather Hashers
Who weren’t with us today!

What more can I say……. This was the last hash of 2007 and most of you remaining in Budapest and could have joined us, chose to stay in. As the French would say, Tant pis, tant pis!

If you weren’t there you missed an absolutely beautiful romp through the woodlands of Huvosvolgy. (Sorry but I don’t have the accent marks on my laptop.) There were only five, count ‘em 5, stalwart hashers who braved the -5C temperature to head out (HEAD, who said head?) along the tree lined paths. There was Rabies sporting his normal wall-to-wall grin, the Absolutely Incredible Hulk wearing his usual tank top and speedo’s, Tiny Balls who while only here for a brief visit from the USA chose to leave his loverly Hungarian bride on the eve of their first wedding anniversary to join the hash, our shivering Frustrated Frog complete with knocking knees and chattering teeth and the superb HARE du jour, myself, Bang Cock.

We waited and waited at Battyhany for hours but we remained the few and the proud and so set off for the wilds of Huvosvolgy. On parking at the start on the other side of the road from the end of the 56 tram line we found that there was a large group of hikers already there preparing to start out on the trails through the woods. Look ashamed you who weren’t there because most of these folk were blind and they were out for the day in the woods.

After an illuminating and instructive talk by the superb HARE du jour, myself, Bang Cock, (Look….I’m writing this and I can write it the way I want!!!!) the runners, Rabies, Hulkster and Tiny Balls set out along the excellently marked trail followed by the walking pack, French Frog and the superb HARE du jour, myself, Bang Cock. The superb HARE du jour, myself, Bang Cock, had been out the day before until dark extensively marking the trail with copious amounts of flour and reams of TP (That’s toilet paper for those of you not as knowledgeable as you should be.) The marks remained in almost pristine condition and the TP was still in place where attached to branches. It was a veritable Hash highway.

The walking pack, Frustrated Frog and the superb HARE du jour, myself, Bang Cock, bypassed the first check to allow the runners to do the dogleg with another check and several false trails while we followed the lower path to its end and another check. On arrival at this check we found that it wasn’t marked and concluded that we must somehow have beaten the runners to it and hustled up the gut wrenching hill climb of Condor utca trying to stay ahead of the runners.

We made it (perhaps) ahead of the runners and back into the woods we went. We continued on for another thirty-seven kilometers along a hiking trail and around the back of the mountainous Nyeki-hegy passing another check and two which-ways with still no sign of the runners. At this time concern arose that the runners “could” have gotten ahead of us and were already back at the start quaffing down the Hash beer but we “soldiered” on. At long last we arrived at the point where a small path cut off from the trail to head back to the start still following an excellently marked trail. (Listen, I said it before, I’m writing this and I can say what I want!!!!)

After another twenty-two kilometers along this path we came down out of the woods and crossed the small bridge arriving at the start. No runners were there nor were they in sight. Being wise and wiley hashers we immediately adjourned to the beautiful little bar across the street by the side of the tram line and had beverages. Three quarters of a beer later we saw the runners arriving into the parking lot and joined them there for the circle.

On meeting up with the runners we learned that the cunningly laid trail, with several looooong first legs on true trails after checks had bewildered the runners. They had had to go back and recheck several trails that they had thought were false. (This despite the fact that the superb HARE du jour, myself, Bang Cock, had clearly told them before the start that he had marked every false trail with the three bars sign.) However, all made it in none the worse for wear, although the Hulkster was showing clear signs of frozen drool on his beard. It was definitely coooooold.

A few sins were recognized in the circle and Tiny Balls was duly welcomed back albeit for a brief visit. As most attendees had things to do, the circle was fairly brief and the runners departed for their respective residences to get re “plugged in” with their “squeezes”. Being a “good” hasher, Hulk dropped off the now frozen Frenchman and your superb HARE du jour, myself, Bang Cock, at Moskova ter to enjoy a belly filling après hash repast.

NOTE: It was resolved that from this hash on, HARES do NOT have to pay for their hash. It was agreed that since the HARES normally purchase flour and trail marking supplies and invest their time in reccing out and laying the trails, HARES now run for free at their hash. So let’s get out and volunteer to hare trails. Let’s develop a full hare line with all coming weeks filled in. ON! ON!

Dec. 23th - Hash #879

Scribe : Bangcock

Despite not really being the last to arrive, yours truly was tagged again to writ up this weeks Hash. It was a fun day and those who missed it missed a good gathering.

Last week Cedrick had volunteered to hare this trail in Szentendre. Rabies was the first at Battyhany with Cedrick. Then Zuza and our “token” Frenchman, Thomas were there and bringing up the rear were Ericka, Paresh and myself. Rabies took Cedrick off to start the trail while the rest of us took the Hev to meet him at the Szentendre station.

My God! But it was icy on the roads and paths when we arrived. It was almost like ice-skating at Varosligit Park on Monday evening. (Yes! There was ice-skating last Monday but attended only by Rabies, Myself, Sanya and Mona but we did have a good time.) Fortunately the weather did dry up through the afternoon and the slickness disappeared. (It did stay pretty cold though.) Cedrick the rabbit had started off and the pack followed the trail he had laid. It took us through many neighborhoods of Szentendre, up hills and down via wide streets, narrow streets, walkways and stairways. In truth it was an interesting route even going through an old cemetery where the pack discussed the burial customs here. We passed beside a small stream that was crusted with ice and up and down many of the cobblestone streets of Szentendre. We also skirted the Café Rodin with its grounds filled with sculptures. By this time (having unknowingly covered both the walkers and runners trail) the pack was a bit chilled and was sorely tempted to stop and get something to drink to warm up. However, in thinking of the hares and runners, the pack decided to press on to the finis so as not to make them wait too long. The trail ended and the hash coalesced in the central square of Szentendre.

There we congregated around the stand manned by the Rotary Club for some “free” Glewewine that we quickly learned was 900 Forints but the bread and snacks were free. This was definitely not enough so we adjourned to a nearby restaurant for an excellent meal where we were “ogled at” through the window by various passers by. A short while later when crowds gathered in the square we found that really free Glewewine was available at a table outside the Corona restaurant.

Then the fun began. There were Hungarian Christmas sung and a Christmas quartet playing other songs and music. One interesting aspect was that many ladies were circulating through the crowd passing out home made cookies to everyone. It was a lovely gesture and contributed to the seasonal good feelings. Following this we went up the road a bit and down into an interesting old bar cut into a wine cellar. Here we imbibed some of the least expensive wine we have ever had. While the others lingered over the cheap wine, I went further up the hill in the cold with Zuza and her sister to another small square where some of the townspeople were putting on a Nativity Christmas play on an open air stage. Here there was also a free Glewewine table that was getting a great deal of attention. Many families were there mit Kin und Kinder and there was definitely a lot of Christmas atmosphere about.

When the play was over we meandered back to the wine cellar to join the other hashers only to find that they had cleaned out the bar of its hot wine. As it was getting a bit late we decided to return to the train station where Zuza introduced us to her “favorite” bar in Szentendre. There were definitely some “strange” people in there and their taste in music was loud and strident. Also to visit the bathroom one had to get the barman to come over and unlock the door to the cage around the stairs leading up to the bathrooms. And that wasn’t all when you were finished you had to get him to come over again to unlock it and let you out. Having said that, the beer was cold and it was a warm place in which we waited for the train to return to Budapest.

ON! ON! To next week and the last Budapest Hash for 2007. I will hare that one BUT Hares ARE needed for the following weeks. Step up to the plate and Hare a trail!

Dec. 16th - Hash #878

Scribe - Bangcock

As normal the pack gathered at Battyhany Ter for the start. Noone had volunteered to hare this week so Rabies (Actually my name is St. Anus or Liam, Rabies is the old guy) “lept” into the breech and led us up to the Castle area for a romp around in the cold and snow laying all over.


Actually there was quite a nice sized pack and forgive me for not remembering all Hash names so I will use “Nerd” names. Attending were our returnee from Qatar, Sue, Juliette and Melissa our favorite Munchkin hasher were with us as well as Liam (St Anus), Cedrick (Baldric), Zuza (Giving Head), Paresh (Jaws), Ericka (Oral Orgasm), Nata (Run By Battery), Mona returned from Sweden to rejoin us, “French” Thomas (CANT FUCKING SCRIBE) was there smiling, of course Rabies as Hare and yours truly having been dubbed scribe for arriving last.

After huffing and puffing up the stairs leading to near the top we slogged off through the snow behind the Hilton where some stalwarts set about with a snowball battle from the top of the pedestrian bridge crossing the road. The snowballs continued along the ramparts with Zuza proving to be a hard core snowball battler even ambushing some “innocents” and letting them enjoy the feeling of snow down their necks. Our little “munchkin” (Eagle Eye'd) also is no slouch in slinging the wet and icy balls of snow.

We took off then along the Museum walk and back down the hill to the streets below to return to Battyhany for an abbreviated circle. Following the circle the hash proved itself to be of one mind when we agreed to go to three or four different restaurants for post hash lunch. Somehow a consensus was reached (probably because it was coooold) and we marched around the corner and up the block to a German restaurant that had been thoroughly slagged by many. I think it is called “Adolph’s Revenge”.

At any rate we were greeted by a very well constructed waitress who never cracked a smile until she was assured that we were not homeless people just getting out of the cold but were in truth paying customers willing to part with Forints for food and drink. The only comment on the food is to pass on Rabies high recommendation for the Vegetarian sausage. ON! ON! To next week and Szentendre.

Nov. 18th - Hash #876???

Hare: SexTax
Scribe: Cant Say No

The Mob: Can´t Say No, Bangkok, Donkey, Rabies, plus a NFG runner ( think that was it) +1 (which we lost before the run began).

Usual meeting point and a slim crowd. We already lost one person as we started up the hill, so it was a small pack with 2 runners as part of the gang.

Up and down then down and up we went.
Stop and start and stop and start went the drizzling rain.
In and out and out and in of the castle districts alleys, lane ways and secret passages.

Hoot Toot Hoot Toot went Rabies hash whistle.

Blah blah blah blah went the walkers.

All these activities thankfully culminating in a beer stop which doubled as our circle.

Until next time.
Can´t Say No

Nov. 4th - Hash #87? II District

Hares: Austro-Australian Empire
Scribe: NFG Ernst-Jan



The sun was shining when the Hashers arrived at the usual meeting point near the Batthyány tér Metro. While enjoying the view of the Hungarian parliament all the hashers left by car. After 20 minutes we arrived and already get lost.

After finding the way back the hashers meet each other for a Hash flash, a warming up and of course an introduction for the visitors, virgins and returnees. Especially the virgins received a very good treatment during the trail: no penalties were given for doing business with the virgins.

However, the warming up is also a very important point of interest for this very overwhelming article. Most of the people were really good dancers, except the French. They cannot sing, dance and buy warm jackets. The people who danced looked like dancers in a MTV clip of Madonna (like a virgin). I can’t dance, so I was not a part of the dancers. However, my muscles in my belly warmed up thanks to the laughing!

After the Hash flash the trail started. Socializing, running and stuff from trees made it happen that a few of us missed some Hash spots. Moreover, did we miss the ‘Hash - before - circle - beer - spot’? I did!

Back at the starting point the Dutch people were just like all the Americans surprised by the fact that we could drink HEINEKEN…. In the circle several penalties were given to people who peed during the trail, for new joiners, for returnees, for wearing sunglasses, for wearing caps. But no penalty was given for calling during the trail?? Did we miss someone?

After the circle OnOn. The most went for a lunch to the Austrian and the Austria! While I went home with one of the virgins…..

NFG EJ

Video guide to understanding all those funny buggers

For anyone who has been a little confused by many of our hash members this video should help...but probably not.

Oct. 28th - Hash #871(?) Bangcocks Back

Hare: Bangcock
Scribe: Cuz he could tell a time change we he saw one....Bangcock!

Here goes:

The start of Sunday's Hash was mad. The Hash weather Gods cooperated with a decent day but the Gods of Chronological Accuracy threw a "hissy fit" and thoroughly confused the hare (moi), Paresh and Svetlana. We managed to get to Battyhany an hour early thinking we were on time. We waited a half an hour and decided that, since no one else had shown up, we would save this trail for another week and we departed.

I was changing back at my flat when I got a call from Jaws advising me of the fact that the clocks were set back last night and the time we should have been at the start was NOW. Scheisse!!!!!

Dashing back to Battyhany I found a pack of, I believe, eleven hashers champing at the bit. Not in any particular order they were: Sex Tax, Rabies, Mamma San, Hulk, Cheesey Balls, St. Anus, French Tom,Randall, Sheila, Ronald and Juliette. I apologize if I left anyone out and for not remembering all Hash Names. Unfortunately my two companions from the "early" start had departed on other missions and couldn't return.

At any rate we soon jumped into the available vehicles and-or took the 11 bus to the start at the same venue as last weeks romp and off we went into the woods but on the other side of the road this time. The runners were baying as they charged down the trail with someone, whose name I won't mention, taking a header on the slippery path.

After a few checks which the runners very thoroughly investigated, we came to the first of the two scenic view sites and the walkers were right behind. We clambered out on the rocky promentory to admire the view of the leaves that have changed colors on the trees down in the valley then it was off once more.

Sliding down the red mud slope to the hiking path below the runners took off up the trail and around the bend to the second scenic view site, again with the walking group closely behind. Once there we got to clamber out onto a rocky knoll where the valley really opened out below us. It was good that we were able to get out to see the trees this week as the leaves may well be gone shortly.

From this point the hare (moi) led out to check the trail, lay new marks and mark the runner-walker trail split. The pack following had to climb through the rocks up to the top of the rocky hill, go through an old concrete "pill box" (smelly) and along a fenceline behind some very nice residences. Then it was back down the hill while scrambling across the slope till we were back on the hiking trail again.

From this point the trail followed arrows to the runner-walker split where the runners went down the hill to do their extended run-in through a couple of checks on the paved roads and then did a beat back up the "main" road to the On-In. The walkers went further along the path before climbing the hill once more on another trail and following part of the original trail in reverse to the On-In.

The beer arrived in good order and the hare was only slightly chastized for the trail being too short. However, since the hare (moi) is a card carrying member of HALT (Hashers Against Long Trails) he did not feel badly about the trail length.

We welcomed back our hashers returning from abroad, Sex Tax and Rabies, and our returnees, Randall and Sheila, and even had a birthday down-down but for the life of me I can't remember whose it was. After the down-downs, Rabies conducted an auction for the lovely T-shirts he brought back from the Dubai Hash and we closed the circle.

ON! ON!
BC

Oct 7th - Hash #868 - Normafa

Hare: Hairless...so Baldric
Scribe: Not so-NFG Juidth


Judith has let down the HASH

Sept 30th - Hash #867

Hareless
Scribe: Wet Blanket

Sickness has laid me low so here's my vague memories of Sunday's attempt at a run/walk. Can't recall half the hash names or ordinary names so a pathetic attempt.

After the usual, no unusually long delays trying to decide where to go and what to do, with no official hares forthcoming, the smallish group with a virgin and two returnees (Dutch and Hungarian) from the wilds of Switzerland (Thun area) formerly Budapest and Lake Balaton (hashers may recall their splendid meals and hospitality on previous momentous occasions, pity I can only remember Andrea's name, its the sickness upon me), ended up at Normafa.

Minus flour and suitable tracks, the handful of runners amazingly returned at the allotted time but walkers meandered aimlessly about and several lost souls turned up late, complaining bitterly. One was apparently told off or accosted he said by an old lady but no valid explanation was given, unless I missed it completely. I (Wet blanket, the only hash name I can remember) was one of the lost ones, and had to desperately ask a native at one point where the bloody bus was or at least the road. Not the most prestigious hash. Forgive my ramblings.

WB

Know Your Asshole Footprint

Regrettably, some people are simply not aware of how large an asshole footprint they leave on the planet. Here, Vanity Fair offers aquestionnaire that will help such individuals determine the size and breadth of their footprint. If you answer "yes" to four or more of the questions for your age group, it is incumbent upon you to take urgent measures to reduce your asshole footprint.

illustrations by Ross MacDonald October 2007

For ages 14–25

1. Do you refer to attractive members of the opposite sex as "smokin' hot"?
2. Do you leave vitriolic comments in the "Comments" sections of blogs and Web sites, even if you're commenting on something innocuous, such as an old Linkin Park video?
2a. When leaving such comments, do you use such rote Internet pejoratives as "asshat," "douchebag," and "'tard"?
3. Are you convinced that it's only a matter of time before the world recognizes you as the next Andy Samberg?
4. Do you write a dating column for your school paper or local weekly?
5. When you are being photographed, do you flash gang signs?
6. Are your birthday parties televised?
7. Is your name Skylar, Tyler, Taylor, Cat, Bryce, Morgan, Brandon, Braden, Hayden, Jaden, Brianna, or Keegan?

For ages 26–39

1. Do you work in an office with a Foosball or Ping-Pong table?
2. Do you run a T-shirt company that specializes in flimsy apparel that runs small and whose designs are essentially appropriations of old advertising and TV logos from the 1960s and 70s?
3. Does it take more than two words to describe what you do for a living?
4. Have you or has anyone in your close circle of friends written a roman à clef about being a rich socialite, working in publishing, working in film, bonking the help, or any combination of the aforementioned circumstances?
5. Do you refer to ordinary male pastimes and accessories with such terms as "man-cation," "man-date," "man-purse," "man-orexic," and "man-olos"?
6. Before you go out bicycling, do you first change into iridescent spandex shorts and a skintight spandex shirt with a gaudy pattern recalling a 1990s screen saver?
7. Do you refer to having young children as "doing the parent thing"?
7a. If you do indeed have young children, have you launched a blog, or, worse, a video blog, about raising them?

For ages 40–55

1. Do you have money in a hedge fund?
2. Is your car worth more than $100,000?
3. Did you join a church or temple in order to get your children into its affiliated school?
4. Does your wife run a "therapeutic" gift shop/yoga studio/juice bar in the little town where you summer?
4a. If so, did you drive out a longtime mom-and-pop general store beloved by locals in order to obtain the lease or building for your wife's store?
5. Do you send off your kids to summer camp by helicopter?
6. Have you ever shelled out in the five figures to attend a rock 'n' roll "fantasy camp"?
6a. If so, do you keep a framed photo on your desk of you with your arm draped around a sweaty Roger Daltrey?
7. When your companion gets up to use the facilities at a restaurant, are you incapable of passing even the smallest blip of solitary time without theatrically scrolling or tapping on your BlackBerry, Trēo, or iPhone?

How to Reduce Your Asshole Footprint: Some Tips

1. Read a book to a small child, and not in a "Cool! I read this when I was a kid!" way.
2. Stop gelling, mussing, and spiking your hair. You should part it, and that's that.
3. Refrain from ever using the construction "Mmm, I want me some.…"
4. Do not ever order a Cosmopolitan again.
5. Do not leave any comments in any "Comments" section, on any occasion, ever.
6. Give in to the aging process, through every step of it.
7. Eat leftovers.
8. Go two entire, consecutive days without using a wireless electronic communication device.
9. Do not ever again refer to an elderly person, to his or her face, as "so cute."
10. All those things prescribed by Robert Greene in The 48 Laws of Power? Do the precise opposite.

Sept 23rd - Hash #866

Scribe: Incredible Hulk

Hashers met in the usual spot opposite the parliament building in brilliant sunshine under a blue sky. A fantastic day for being out in the Budapest countryside !

So where was everyone??? No Hare for the day, no GM (at home looking after his worn out pussy …… willow), no Baldrick, no Rabies, we didn't even have an Anus (Saint or otherwise). But we did have Run By Battery, Giving Head, French Maid, Haggis, Wet Blanket, a recovering Cheesy Balls (unable to do what his right hand is for) and Incredible Hulk, plus a good bevy of No-Names and Virgins.

We were too many for the 2 cars, so all headed for the end of the bus 11 route. Incredible, Cheesy Balls and his young virgin (he claims to be his Niece) were the only runners, so the 3 set off into the forest and set a flour train for the Walkers. The walkers got an easy trail to follow, along small paths, down the hill between some lovely old trees, eventually arriving at a view stop with a good vista over the valley. Then down into the valley on a suburban route, but at the bottom, back into the forest, along some small paths to avoid doubling back onto the track down, but the path got smaller and smaller, ending in the middle of a large area of stinging nettles.

After hunting around a bit, an exit was eventually found over some decorative piles of rubbish and through a wire fence, out onto a road. Flour blobs were set and the walkers complained it was too easy! (Wait for the next time then!). So onwards along the road, slowly uphill and eventually going right and up into the forest again, soon arriving back at the start. A nice stroll or jog on a wonderful day !

So back to the circle, with only one or 2 knowing the words of the songs, made it a tame affair. Virgins were christened, returners rewarded and the usual drinks spread around. Then most headed down the hill to a very nice resto, "Lugas" where the food was much enjoyed while sitting in the sunshine, especially the desserts which were good enough to give Erica several oral orgasms.

So – next week we hope for a good turn out, and hopefully a hare will be produced from the hat.

OnOn!!!

From the "Big Book of British Smiles"

Earmuffs have come early this year!